Understanding the human mind continues to fascinate me. Recently, during a training in the fundamentals of systemic thinking, a few themes stood out—especially around why leaders often repeat the same ineffective behaviors, even when they know better.

In systemic thinking, we call this a pattern: a recurring dynamic that’s often unconscious but deeply embedded in a team or organization. Another powerful concept is taking your place in a system. Conflict frequently arises when someone doesn’t stand in the appropriate role? For example, when a team member criticizes their manager and starts behaving as if they’re above them.

These patterns are not just systemic, they’re also psychological. That’s where Transactional Analysis (TA) offers powerful insights. According to TA, every interaction happens from a specific ego state:

Conflicts often emerge when communication slips out of balance. Imagine an employee giving unsolicited advice to their manager, saying what the manager should do. That’s no longer a conversation from Adult to Adult. It’s the Critical Parent speaking to the Adult. And once we shift into Parent-Child or Child-Parent dynamics, the potential for constructive dialogue drops sharply.

Systemically speaking, the employee is no longer in their proper place. Psychologically, they’ve slipped into a non-adult ego state. And for some leaders, speaking from a Critical Parent stance has become a fixed pattern—a go-to mode that blocks open, equal communication.

This is why self-awareness is so crucial in leadership. Before you enter an important conversation, pause and ask yourself:

True leadership isn’t just about strategy or decisions. It’s also about understanding the invisible dynamics, both systemic and psychological, that shape how we show up and connect.